Tweed and Tinsel

Title: Never Happened Before
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Character/s: Slash-tastic Gen
Word Count: drabble-length
Rating: G, I think
Summary/Warnings: I was organising my DVD case when this popped into my head. Three guesses which DVD gave me the idea.


“I’m sorry. I’ve never had that happen before.”

Nicholas blinked, staring confused into the space in front of him. “No, it’s... okay. It’s fine.”

“But it isn’t. It’s embarrassing.” Danny looked away for a few moments before finally getting up, putting some distance between him and Nicholas.

“What now?” Nicholas tapped his fingers awkwardly against his thighs. “I mean...”

“I dunno. I won’t be mad if you go home.”

“It wasn’t that bad,” Nicholas assured.

“You’re such a horrible liar.” Sighing, Danny ejected the DVD, picking up Karate Cop from the tray and shoving it rather unceremoniously into the case.

Title: Not a Superhero
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Character/s: gen
Word Count: 2000
Rating: PG (for swearing)
Summary/Warnings: Two boys grow up very differently.

I've been reading a lot of blogs today, which led me to watching a lot of videos this evening, which eventually led me to this thing here. It put a bit of an idea into my head, and it was something that I just had to put down in words for some reason.

( Not a Superhero )

Title: Treasure
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Character/s: Like the film
Word Count: 1,100
Rating: G, on like, a Disney level. O_o
Summary/Warnings: Danny thinks Nicholas' cottage is empty and boring.

Written for waffleguppies for the exchange. This takes place shortly after the NWA (maybe two months after the Battle of Sandford) stuff all went down, and follows my own timeline and whatnot.

( Treasure )

Title:Perpetual Motion
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Character/s:Like the film
Word Count (chapter/total): 9,800 (part one)
Rating: R
Summary/Warnings: Nicholas learns things about Sandford he never wanted to know.

A long time ago, mikes_grrl proposed this idea to the masses, on the grounds that the idea bothered her too greatly to write it herself.

Well, I finally got around to writing the damn thing, and I think it broke me. Clearly, if it took me a YEAR AND A HALF to get around to doing. There are bits in this that made me cringe as I wrote them, and other bits that are just... ouch.

The ending's also a bit emotional. I also feel obligated to put a "major character death" warning in here. Because it happens. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I plan on posting a few humorous things later this month to make up for the evil that is this fic.

Also, it's my intent to post this in two parts, but I have a feeling LJ's gonna be dicky about the size and make me post it in three. We'll see.

( Perpetual Motion )

Title:Five Things Hugh Grant Would Never Get Away With
(Well, except for in that one film that was blatantly taking the piss out of Pop/American Idol)
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Character/s:Nicholas/Danny
Word Count (chapter/total): 1000
Rating: R
Summary/Warnings: Will Nicholas and Danny ever figure out what the hell they're doing? I wouldn't put money on it.

Takes place immediately after the last Five Things fic, which itself is a follow-up. Unlike the other two, it mostly takes place in a very quick progression of events, which is probably cheating, but since they both still manage to do some incredibly stupid things, I think it works. Even if it is cheating. Which it probably is. The title is taken more or less from a line in the previous one, which was written after some serious Hugh Grant influence. And don't worry; I'm not going to spoil American Dreamz for anyone who hasn't seen it, but it really isn't your typical Hugh Grant film. It had me making this face D: more than once. (Good lord. Could my fic commentary get any gayer?)

Also, I'm not posting this to Sandford until someone else says something over there. I feel like I'm spamming the poor place, with the last three somethings said being from me. Consider this post an advanced screening, or something. :P

( Five Things Hugh Grant Would Never Get Away With )

Title:Jäger and Red Bull
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Character/s:Nicholas/Janine
Word Count (chapter/total): 1200
Rating: R
Summary/Warnings: First/Last Time prompt

One of the things I've been working on lately in the Fuzz fandom is trying to break away from the social norm. And sadly, part of the social norm is that Janine gets no love, whatsoever. So, here's another het!fic, with what is quite possibly one of the most under-rated pairings in the fandom. This is set on the same time line as Lamp Light, because that was the only other time I've really delved into their relationship (and I didn't have time to create a new back story), but if you haven't read that one, this should still make sense. All you need to know is that this takes place before Nicholas began questioning faith.

( Jäger and Red Bull )

Title: Tequila Sunrise
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Character/s:Nicholas, Rose Tyler, Jackie Tyler, Mickey Smith
Word Count (chapter/total): 1600
Rating: NC-17
Summary/Warnings: Another one for the pornathlon

I should have totally done this for the last prompt, but I suck, and did Danny/Nicholas instead. I really like this pairing for this particular prompt, though. Especially after looking at how Rose treats Mickey through the entire first series, I don't feel like there's really much going on in here that didn't probably happen in canon. Also, wow. Het!fic. O_o

( Tequila Sunrise )

Title: Hitchhiking
Fandom: Hot Fuzz/Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy/Doctor Who
Character/s:Hot Fuzz: Nicholas, Walker, Saxon; H2G2: Heart of Gold crew; Doctor Who: Nine, Rose
Word Count (chapter/total): 3000
Rating: PG
Summary/Warnings: Green, bug-eyed monsters demolish the Earth to make way for a hyperspace express route. At least, that's what the people of Earth are told.

There's a lot here that was cut out from my ending, in my many, many re-writes. I'm planning on doing a follow-up, but Nicholas' story ends here. I know there's some questionable science at the end, but hopefully, no one feels the need to cry at me when it's all over.

( Hitchhiking )

Title: Hitchhiking
Fandom: Hot Fuzz/Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy/Doctor Who
Character/s:Hot Fuzz: Nicholas, Walker, Saxon; H2G2: Heart of Gold crew; Doctor Who: Nine, Rose
Word Count (chapter/total): 2,500
Rating: PG
Summary/Warnings: Green, bug-eyed monsters demolish the Earth to make way for a hyperspace express route. At least, that's what the people of Earth are told.

I realise that I neglected to mention earlier exactly where in the Doctor Who time line this story takes place. They've already met Jack, and this is set somewhere between The Doctor Dances and Boom Town. There was something about a banana grove, and Jack shopping in London, but that was cut out when my ending changed for the umpteenth time, because even one little tiny throw-away can create huge continuity errors.

Basically, I don't know where Jack is at the moment. But he's not here, because I knew he'd spend the whole time hitting on Nicholas, and I didn't want to mess with that.

( Hitchhiking )