Text Message Transcripts, vol 3

[oxfordtweed]

Fandom: Sherlock
Character/s: Sherlock Holmes, Mycroft Holmes
Word Count: 450
Rating: G
Summary: Sherlock needs milk, and John is at his job.
Notes/Warnings: Oh, god. My main projects are seriously dragging me through the mud, so I needed to do something a bit more upbeat. So, here. Have some more text messages. These things are suitably ridiculous.



Out of milk. Send some. Urgent.
SH

I am not your milk man. You can fetch your own milk.
Mycroft

Busy.
SH

So am I.
Mycroft

Send Persephone around with some, then. She never seems to do anything.
SH

And some nicotine patches. Out of those, as well.
SH

You wouldn’t run out so quickly if you only wore one at a time, you know.
Mycroft

You’re not my boss.
SH

ETA on milk and patches?
SH

When you decide to go to the shop.
Mycroft

Can’t. Busy. Already told you that. And John is at his job, which is thoroughly inconvenient in every way.
SH

Indeed. Otherwise, I might actually be getting some work of my own done right now.
Mycroft

The government can look after itself for 20 minutes. Need milk. Urgent.
SH

Dear lord, didn’t Mummy ever teach you manners?
Mycroft.

Need milk. Urgent. Please.
SH

Sorry, I’m busy.
Mycroft

You are not. You’re at your ridiculous club, which I know is just where all your secret service minions have lunch. Not busy. Perfectly capable of fetching milk, or having minion fetch milk.
SH

All this time spent trying to get someone else to fetch you milk, you could have gone to the shop and back twice by now.
Mycroft

You’re supposed to be helping me.
SH

Do you even know how to pay your phone bill?
Mycroft

That’s what John’s for.
SH

Besides. You wouldn’t cut my service, because then you’d lose the ability to use my phone to spy on me.
SH

The notions you have. Sherlock, really. I do no such thing.
Mycroft

You are a lying liar who lies. Stop it right now.
SH

When is your minion getting here?
SH

She isn’t. And I wish you wouldn’t call her that.
Mycroft

Oh, right. I forgot. You’re sleeping with that one. Dull. Disgusting. Boring.
SH

You and I both know that isn’t true.
Mycroft

Wrong!
SH

You really are being rather childish right now.
Mycroft

Still not my boss.
SH

Still being childish.
Mycroft

Milk!
SH

No.
Mycroft

Now who’s being childish?
SH

Still you.
Mycroft

You promised.
SH

A promise which involved making sure you stayed safe and out of trouble. Milk has nothing to do with either of those.
Mycroft

Milk is required to stave off boredom.
SH

If that’s meant to be a joke, it isn’t funny.
Mycroft

Milk.
SH

Get it yourself.
Mycroft

Can’t. Busy. Already told you.
SH

You’re either busy, or your bored. Which is it?
Mycroft

Busy being bored.
SH

You are not funny.
Mycroft

Not trying to be. Need milk. Urgent.
SH

ETA: 15 minutes.
Mycroft

Good.
SH

You’re very welcome.
Mycroft

---

A/N: Persephone is Sherlock’s name for Anthea. In my headcanon, she gives everybody a different name to call her by, so that she knows who she’s talking to.

Comments

[wyvernwolf.livejournal.com]

The government can look after itself for 20 minutes. Need milk. Urgent.

*lol* I can easily see how Sherlock would think his need ofr milk is more important than running the government!

Thanks for a much needed laugh! :D

[oxfordtweed]

Thanks! :D

[thette.livejournal.com]

*giggle*

That's a good headcanon. Also works if one has decided she has prosopagnosia. In my headcanon, she chooses her name by mood. Persephone works really well this time of the year.

[oxfordtweed]

That's a good headcanon. Also works if one has decided she has prosopagnosia.

She totally does in my headcanon. She gave Persephone to Sherlock years ago, and he thinks it's stupid, but he's not allowed to call her by anything else (which he also thinks is stupid).

[slashfairy.livejournal.com]

brilliant.

well. all the textstories are brilliant. but that's particularly brilliant.

[blooms84.livejournal.com]

funny and in character--love the constant reference to minions by Sherlock, love Persephone,
a great read to wake up to! thanks!

[oxfordtweed]

Thanks!

[thisprettywren.livejournal.com]

**** snerk ****

I love these.

[oxfordtweed]

Thanks!

[kirakira-nanoda.livejournal.com]

*gigglesnort*

This is so funny XD Poor Mycroft

[oxfordtweed]

Thanks! :D

[lastwordy-mcgee.livejournal.com]

I love these posts. So much fun.

[oxfordtweed]

hee Thanks! :D

[willow-41z.livejournal.com]

A/N: Persephone is Sherlock’s name for Anthea. In my headcanon, she gives everybody a different name to call her by, so that she knows who she’s talking to.
Hey, that's a neat idea! Bet it leads to some confusion, though.

[oxfordtweed]

haha Oh, of course it does!

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

*snickers* Sherlock must have been fun as a child. Am so glad he's not my sibling and I wouldn't be half so polite as Mycroft.

[oxfordtweed]

Man, if Sherlock were my little brother, I'd have totally punched him in the face, I think.

[charisstoma.livejournal.com]

Mycroft must love his brother very very much. OR.. There's this saying about keeping one's friends close and one's enemies closer, *nods* siblings.
Mycroft seems able do both of these at the same time though it is a little like watching someone trying to hold onto a struggling cat..which has claws.

[oxfordtweed]

Oh, my god. That is a wonderful visual! And totally appropriate for these two. XD

[eightnoon.livejournal.com]

Sherlock wins in perseverance. Can't help but feel a bit sorry for Mycroft, but he still wins at patience and control. lol Love their banter. :3

[oxfordtweed]

Mycroft wins at life. XD

[cyranothe2nd.livejournal.com]

LOL, Mycroft, giving in will only encourage him!

[oxfordtweed]

haha yeah. But he'd rather encourage Sherlock than risk him getting bored. It's safer for everyone that way.

[rememberedenx3.livejournal.com]

"You are a lying liar who lies." lol <33
I love your headcanon :)

[luv-gaara-16.livejournal.com]

Busy being bored = Brilliant ^.^

[uptothewords.livejournal.com]

Bwahaha!

Every single one of these made me laugh but this is perhaps my favorite:

"You are a lying liar who lies. Stop it right now." I would pay good money to hear him saying that to Mycroft on the show.

[oxfordtweed]

:D! Thanks!


That's definitely my favourite formula for describing Mycroft. A _____ing _____ who _____s. So many noun/verb sets work wonderfully to describe him in this way.