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tweedandtinsel2011-01-21 12:03 pm
oxfordtweed) wrote in tweedandtinsel2011-01-21 12:03 pm
Divergent Evolution
Fandom: Sherlock
Character/s: Holmes, Watson
Word Count: 1000
Rating: G
Summary: John tries to put Sherlock on a course of cultural education, in the form of rented DVDs. This goes about as well as anybody could expect.
Notes/Warnings: Spoilers for a few M Knight Shyamalan films, but everyone knew how they ended before they finished anyway. And for the first X-Men film. But that’s kind of old by now.
Divergent Evolution
This new project of John has been getting particularly annoying. The Bond films were all right, and the Oceans remake (the first one, at any rate) had been almost entertaining, but those Shyamalan films had been absolutely abysmal. Of course the monsters had been a hoax by the leaders of the village, since people generally want to be as far away from large scary creatures rather than deliberately staying put and forbidding anyone from leaving, and Bruce Willis was obviously dead from the beginning, as his wife had taken entirely too long to ring emergency services and he had probably died of toxaemia from being shot in the stomach long before EMT crews had arrived, and why had it been some villagers in the Middle East who discovered that their weakness was water, when it would have been far more likely to have happened in the temperate zones where the air is always humid and liquid water makes a habit of regularly falling from the sky? Stupid.
Sherlock has tried to avoid being home on nights when he knows John will be in, but it doesn’t always work, and he’s yet again been cornered and forced to undergo more ‘cultural education.’ Sherlock had been quick to point out that this was technically ‘popular cultural education,’ and while it did have some effect on the shape of the culture at large, it was minimal, and had nothing to do with the actual culture of the British people. To this, John had told him to shut it and put the DVD in the player anyway.
And it’s even more ridiculous than crop circles. It’s people with wings and metal claws that shoot out of their hands, and telepathy.
“John, what is this drivel?” He knows, subjectively what it is. Boring, stupid, and complete bollocks. Objectively, he hasn’t got a clue, and he isn’t sure that he wants to.
John looks over at him. “I told you,” he says. “X-Men. These guys are mutants that—”
“That are the next phase in evolution, yes, but it doesn’t work that way.” Sherlock’s almost angry as he says it. “It’s basic science.”
John shakes his head. “I don’t think Stan Lee was very bothered about science. I mean, look at Spider-man.”
This is the second time this spider person has been mentioned in Sherlock’s presence, and he makes a note to look him up as soon as this abysmal film is over. He’d do it now, but John keeps insisting that Sherlock give his full attention to these films. He realises he must be making ‘that’ face again, because John just shakes his head.
“Kid got bitten by a radioactive spider, and gained spider-like abilities,” he explains. Before Sherlock can argue the stupidity of this, John cuts him off. “Don’t. I know. But that’s the whole point of it.”
Sherlock tries to watch, and manages a full 45 seconds before becoming annoyed by the premise again.
“There’s no point in a registration act, since they wouldn’t be able to breed anyway,” Sherlock points out. “Not easily, by any rate. Different abilities implies completely different species. Someone who can regenerate would not be able to breed with someone who can suck the life out of whomever they touch. And what evolutionary purpose does that serve, anyway? A species that can’t touch any other living organism would never be able to reproduce, even by artificial means, since the body would recognise the presence of the semen as being a foreign organism, and destroy it.”
John rolls his eyes and turns up the volume. Sherlock hates when he does that, because it gets so loud that it drowns out everything else and makes it impossible to concentrate. He suspects John knows this and does it deliberately.
“Maybe since they evolved that way, she’d be able to get off with someone else who can do the same thing?” John ventured.
“Again, why?” This is bordering on angering, now. “What about that trait in a person would make them a remotely suitable mate for anybody?”
John shrugs in that horribly John way of his. “Because, I don’t know. Maybe there was something going on in… wherever she’s from that would make that a useful ability to have?”
“John, you’re a doctor. You should know that isn’t how it works.” Now he is properly angry. How could John be so stupid about this? He’s an idiot, but he’s supposed to be an educated idiot.
Today, he’s just an idiot, though.
Sherlock can’t help but sigh dramatically as he sinks into the sofa. “The creature known as a giraffe does not have an elongated neck because all of the vegetation is on the tops of trees. It has an elongated neck because the organisms with longer necks millions of years ago were able to eat more, which prolonged their life cycles against those that couldn’t reach the tops of the trees, which meant that their genes were passed on to more offspring. Those animals had longer necks, which meant they lived longer, and produced more young. The difference between the generations would be almost immeasurable in a natural time scale, but the end result is that the changes happen through breeding; not through environment. This is exactly how pathogens and insects become resistant to vaccines and pesticides. Those organisms that had managed to survive through some natural immunity pass on their genes to the next generation, and the species evolves.”
He hates the look John is giving him, and wonders if this is the Solar System all over again. Sherlock had learned all of this in primary school during a particularly nasty ‘flu season.
“Or,” John says easily. “It could be that we’re watching a film that was based off of a comic book that wanted to explore sensitive cultural issues without bringing race or sexuality into the mix, and mutants were an easy out.”
He turns up the volume again, and Sherlock wants to crawl out of his skull. He can think of two dozen ways in which to permanently disable the DVD player. Two of which can be managed from right here on the sofa.
Character/s: Holmes, Watson
Word Count: 1000
Rating: G
Summary: John tries to put Sherlock on a course of cultural education, in the form of rented DVDs. This goes about as well as anybody could expect.
Notes/Warnings: Spoilers for a few M Knight Shyamalan films, but everyone knew how they ended before they finished anyway. And for the first X-Men film. But that’s kind of old by now.
Divergent Evolution
This new project of John has been getting particularly annoying. The Bond films were all right, and the Oceans remake (the first one, at any rate) had been almost entertaining, but those Shyamalan films had been absolutely abysmal. Of course the monsters had been a hoax by the leaders of the village, since people generally want to be as far away from large scary creatures rather than deliberately staying put and forbidding anyone from leaving, and Bruce Willis was obviously dead from the beginning, as his wife had taken entirely too long to ring emergency services and he had probably died of toxaemia from being shot in the stomach long before EMT crews had arrived, and why had it been some villagers in the Middle East who discovered that their weakness was water, when it would have been far more likely to have happened in the temperate zones where the air is always humid and liquid water makes a habit of regularly falling from the sky? Stupid.
Sherlock has tried to avoid being home on nights when he knows John will be in, but it doesn’t always work, and he’s yet again been cornered and forced to undergo more ‘cultural education.’ Sherlock had been quick to point out that this was technically ‘popular cultural education,’ and while it did have some effect on the shape of the culture at large, it was minimal, and had nothing to do with the actual culture of the British people. To this, John had told him to shut it and put the DVD in the player anyway.
And it’s even more ridiculous than crop circles. It’s people with wings and metal claws that shoot out of their hands, and telepathy.
“John, what is this drivel?” He knows, subjectively what it is. Boring, stupid, and complete bollocks. Objectively, he hasn’t got a clue, and he isn’t sure that he wants to.
John looks over at him. “I told you,” he says. “X-Men. These guys are mutants that—”
“That are the next phase in evolution, yes, but it doesn’t work that way.” Sherlock’s almost angry as he says it. “It’s basic science.”
John shakes his head. “I don’t think Stan Lee was very bothered about science. I mean, look at Spider-man.”
This is the second time this spider person has been mentioned in Sherlock’s presence, and he makes a note to look him up as soon as this abysmal film is over. He’d do it now, but John keeps insisting that Sherlock give his full attention to these films. He realises he must be making ‘that’ face again, because John just shakes his head.
“Kid got bitten by a radioactive spider, and gained spider-like abilities,” he explains. Before Sherlock can argue the stupidity of this, John cuts him off. “Don’t. I know. But that’s the whole point of it.”
Sherlock tries to watch, and manages a full 45 seconds before becoming annoyed by the premise again.
“There’s no point in a registration act, since they wouldn’t be able to breed anyway,” Sherlock points out. “Not easily, by any rate. Different abilities implies completely different species. Someone who can regenerate would not be able to breed with someone who can suck the life out of whomever they touch. And what evolutionary purpose does that serve, anyway? A species that can’t touch any other living organism would never be able to reproduce, even by artificial means, since the body would recognise the presence of the semen as being a foreign organism, and destroy it.”
John rolls his eyes and turns up the volume. Sherlock hates when he does that, because it gets so loud that it drowns out everything else and makes it impossible to concentrate. He suspects John knows this and does it deliberately.
“Maybe since they evolved that way, she’d be able to get off with someone else who can do the same thing?” John ventured.
“Again, why?” This is bordering on angering, now. “What about that trait in a person would make them a remotely suitable mate for anybody?”
John shrugs in that horribly John way of his. “Because, I don’t know. Maybe there was something going on in… wherever she’s from that would make that a useful ability to have?”
“John, you’re a doctor. You should know that isn’t how it works.” Now he is properly angry. How could John be so stupid about this? He’s an idiot, but he’s supposed to be an educated idiot.
Today, he’s just an idiot, though.
Sherlock can’t help but sigh dramatically as he sinks into the sofa. “The creature known as a giraffe does not have an elongated neck because all of the vegetation is on the tops of trees. It has an elongated neck because the organisms with longer necks millions of years ago were able to eat more, which prolonged their life cycles against those that couldn’t reach the tops of the trees, which meant that their genes were passed on to more offspring. Those animals had longer necks, which meant they lived longer, and produced more young. The difference between the generations would be almost immeasurable in a natural time scale, but the end result is that the changes happen through breeding; not through environment. This is exactly how pathogens and insects become resistant to vaccines and pesticides. Those organisms that had managed to survive through some natural immunity pass on their genes to the next generation, and the species evolves.”
He hates the look John is giving him, and wonders if this is the Solar System all over again. Sherlock had learned all of this in primary school during a particularly nasty ‘flu season.
“Or,” John says easily. “It could be that we’re watching a film that was based off of a comic book that wanted to explore sensitive cultural issues without bringing race or sexuality into the mix, and mutants were an easy out.”
He turns up the volume again, and Sherlock wants to crawl out of his skull. He can think of two dozen ways in which to permanently disable the DVD player. Two of which can be managed from right here on the sofa.