24 Things Sherlock Holmes was banned from Doing after Having the Internet Connected

[oxfordtweed]

Fandom: Sherlock
Character/s: Sherlock, mentions of Lestrade et al.
Word Count: 470
Rating: G
Summary: Sherlock gets the Internet. Everyone else pays for it.
Notes/Warnings: I do not know where this idea came from, but I had to run with it. I like to think that Sherlock probably tried to test his limits very early, to see the sorts of things he'd be able to get away with. Decidedly pre-canon, probably just around the time he met Lestrade.

24 Things Sherlock Holmes was banned from Doing after Having the Internet Connected

1. Even if the neighbours leave their router with inadequate security, it is not acceptable to show them how proper security is supposed to work.


2. I am not allowed to tell the neighbour’s wireless printer to print the entire OED. Nor am I allowed to tell it to print off Wikipedia, any novels I may find in .PDF or eBook format, or menus from every restaurant within a ten mile radius.


3. Despite the abysmal security on the network, I am not allowed to access case files in the NSY system.


4. Hacking the CCTV network is not impossible. However, attempting to do so will have government agents knocking down my door.


5. I am not allowed to tell Anonymous to flash mob my brother’s office.


6. I am not allowed to give Anonymous my brother’s email address. Nor am I allowed to give Anonymous the email addresses for Lestrade, Donovan, Anderson, or any other member of NSY.


7. The same goes for Myspace and Facebook accounts.


8. And logins for bank and government systems.


9. Repeatedly Rickrolling any government office will have me branded as a cyber-terrorist. No exceptions.


10. No, I cannot even Rickroll Anderson, even though he deserves it.


11. Nor can I tell Anonymous to do it.


12. Not even to Anderson.


13. Anonymous is not my personal army, no matter how easy it is to convince them to do something.


14. I cannot change all of Lestrade’s passwords just because he annoys me.


15. Or Donovan’s.


16. Or Anderson’s. Even though no one ever does anything to help him after I’ve done it.


17. Enrolling to Weight Watchers using Mycroft’s email address and personal information is neither funny nor helpful.


18. It is not OK to change Mycroft’s daily schedule. Especially if the changes involve deleting meetings with foreign leaders and replacing them with addresses to chip shops throughout London.


19. I am not allowed to put email addressed onto mailing lists for porn sites and Viagra ads, no matter how badly the owner of said email address annoys me.


20. Giving Anonymous the names and addresses of those who annoy me is also considered cyber-terrorism. Also, I am still not allowed to tell Anonymous to do anything for me.


21. Changing Anderson’s blog so that it features nothing but pictures of dinosaurs is considered cyber-bullying, hacking, and cyber-terrorism. Even if Lestrade does find this funny, he will still arrest me should it happen again.


22. I am still not allowed to have Anonymous change Anderson’s blog around.


23. I will not set everyone’s home page to HampsterDance.com. This is apparently in the same category as Rickrolling.


24. It is not a good idea to try to access the network Mycroft’s bugs and cameras around my flat are on. My flat is not the only place in London under his surveillance, and there are some things I never want to see again, and may never be able to delete from my memory.