Richard Book is Innocent (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
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tweedandtinsel2010-12-04 05:50 pm
oxfordtweed) wrote in tweedandtinsel2010-12-04 05:50 pm
Bah Humbug
Title: Bah Humbug
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Character/s: Nicholas/Danny
Word Count: 1,100
Rating: G
Summary/Warnings: For the holiday exchange thingy on Sandford. For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mikes_grrl, which made this wicked hard, because of something she mentioned to me in a chat. I tried to keep this light-hearted, love. I really did.
Also, in my head, Nicholas had some sort of traumatic childhood experience involving Christmas wrapping. I think an older sibling wrestled him into a box, wrapped it up, and left him under the tree for some time.
It wasn’t that Nicholas completely hated Christmas; something about it just ground him the wrong way. For a brief, fleeting moment, he tried to tie his dislike for the commercial holiday to the fact that he was, actually, quite ruthlessly stabbed by Santa. But no; that wasn’t quite it, was it? That had only been a year before, and he distinctly remembered being dragged along to Christmas parties against his will long before that.
He wondered if maybe not going to church regularly had anything to do with it. But really, being agnostic (which, really, when it came down to it, even that title wasn’t quite right. He was more of a practicing apathiest if anything) has nothing to do with not wanting to spend hours trapped in a mall filled with frantic shoppers and three horrible Christmas songs re-written for piano on loop over the speakers. Only teenagers and housewives like that sort of thing.
He couldn’t even properly cop out and blame his family. The family get togethers every Christmas eve were always quite subdued, the only arguments to be had were between the younger children, upset over which cousin got the better gift. But that was just the way kids were; it could be the middle of July, and you could buy two children each a Cornetto, and they’d find some way of complaining that the other’s is somehow superior.
“You’re just a fucking Grinch,” Danny pointed out quite simply. He didn’t sound angry or upset, the way most people did when they felt the need to inform Nicholas of this sudden realisation. He let the box drop down on the sofa, its sudden weight upsetting Nicholas ever so slightly.
“I am not,” Nicholas defended, settling back down into his spot, which had become quite comfortable over recent months.
Danny gave him a disappointed look. “Then why not help me with the lights, then?” he asked hopefully. “Ain’t like the tree’s gonna bit you or nothing.”
Nicholas began to shake his head, but stopped when he saw the complete wash of disappointment across Danny’s face. “It’s a bit unsanitary, isn’t it?”
“How is it any more unsanitary than your damn plant?” Danny demanded, shoving a tangled string of lights into Nicholas’ unsuspecting hands.
Sighing, Nicholas began untangling the mess. “For one, my lily wasn’t chopped down from some farm where animals and insects were able to burrow in,” he pointed out. “How do you know there’s not a badger in there, or something?”
Frowning, Danny grabbed one of the sturdier branches of the tree and shook quite harshly, letting dry needles dust across the floor. “No badger,” he said simply.
“Bugs?” Nicholas asked.
Danny ignored Nicholas’ comment in favour for digging out the brightly coloured glass bulbs from the tattered box marked X-MAS in felt pen. “Come here and help me with this,” he practically demanded.
Nicholas automatically jumped to his feet, gently leaving the tangled lights on the sofa. “What?” he asked helpfully.
“Hold this.” Danny shoved a large glass bulb into his hand. “And this.” He shoved another into Nicholas’ free hand. “This too.” Out of hands, Danny let the third bulb hang off of Nicholas’ finger.
“Why not just put them on the tree?” Nicholas asked.
“Cause I’m countin’ them,” Danny said simply. He hung another bulb from the zip on Nicholas’ jacket, two more from assorted fingers, and one from Nicholas’ shirt collar.
Sighing, Nicholas reached out to place one of the bulbs on the tree, but Danny’s hand stopped him. “Told you I’m counting them,” he said firmly.
“Fine.” Nicholas stood still, letting Danny drape a few more from any spot that would support them, before he finally ran out of the damn things.
“Here,” Danny said, digging through the box again. “Hold this, too.”
“Danny,” Nicholas warned, but to no avail. Danny began wrapping a long strand of tacky gold garland round his neck, eventually snaking it around Nicholas’ chest and arms. “Danny, come on!” Nicholas practically pleaded.
Tucking the end down the front of Nicholas’ collar, Danny took a small step back to admire his decorating skills. “There,” he said. “Don’t you feel all festive, now?”
“No!” Nicholas nearly shouted, remembering exactly why he hated Christmas. “Get this off! It itches.”
“But it’s Christmas,” Danny said, disappointed. “You can’t just sit there sulking all night.”
“Bah humbug,” Nicholas said flatly.
Defeated, Danny slowly removed the garland, and delicately moved the glass bulbs to the tree. Once free, Nicholas scratched madly at the back of his neck before returning to the sofa to work on detangling the lights. “Thank you,” he said stiffly.
It was Danny’s turn to sigh. “Not everything has to be all doom and gloom,” he muttered, his back turned to Nicholas. “You can at least lighten up for Christmas, if nothing else.”
Nicholas focused very intently on the string of lights before giving up and putting them by his side. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.
Danny shrugged. “Figured you wouldn’t want to be alone for Christmas,” he said simply. “I know I wouldn’t.”
Nicholas sighed. “Danny, I don’t care about the holidays, either way,” he said as he got to his feet. “If you want me to come over, you don’t have to make up an excuse. I don’t require prerequisites like Christmas to spend time with people.”
Danny turned round slowly, and after a few moments of studying Nicholas’ face, wrapped him into a tight hug. Nicholas struggled only minimally, having long since learned to just go with these things. But his need to breathe eventually won out, and he managed to twist his neck to clear a breathing passage.
“I have no idea what you just said, but thanks,” Danny said quietly.
“Yeah,” Nicholas managed.
“You don’t have to help me with the tree if you don’t want.”
“Yeah,” Nicholas repeated. He waited in silence for Danny to say something else, but it never happened. “Danny,” he said carefully.
“Yeah, Nick?”
“I can’t breathe.”
“Right.” Danny released him, taking a small step back. “Sorry.”
Nicholas smiled lightly as he smoothed out his clothes. He picked up the tangle of lights, dropping them lightly back into the cardboard box they called home. “I thought you said you got a new film?” he asked, sitting back down.
“Right!” Pleasant mood restored, Danny bounced off to go fetch the plastic bag from his earlier shopping trip. He pulled out a new DVD case, using a kitchen knife to peel off the plastic wrap. Film queued and drinks fetched from the kitchen, Danny settled down onto the sofa with Nicholas, completely not surprised when the inspector fell asleep before the one-hour mark.
Fandom: Hot Fuzz
Character/s: Nicholas/Danny
Word Count: 1,100
Rating: G
Summary/Warnings: For the holiday exchange thingy on Sandford. For
mikes_grrl, which made this wicked hard, because of something she mentioned to me in a chat. I tried to keep this light-hearted, love. I really did. Also, in my head, Nicholas had some sort of traumatic childhood experience involving Christmas wrapping. I think an older sibling wrestled him into a box, wrapped it up, and left him under the tree for some time.
It wasn’t that Nicholas completely hated Christmas; something about it just ground him the wrong way. For a brief, fleeting moment, he tried to tie his dislike for the commercial holiday to the fact that he was, actually, quite ruthlessly stabbed by Santa. But no; that wasn’t quite it, was it? That had only been a year before, and he distinctly remembered being dragged along to Christmas parties against his will long before that.
He wondered if maybe not going to church regularly had anything to do with it. But really, being agnostic (which, really, when it came down to it, even that title wasn’t quite right. He was more of a practicing apathiest if anything) has nothing to do with not wanting to spend hours trapped in a mall filled with frantic shoppers and three horrible Christmas songs re-written for piano on loop over the speakers. Only teenagers and housewives like that sort of thing.
He couldn’t even properly cop out and blame his family. The family get togethers every Christmas eve were always quite subdued, the only arguments to be had were between the younger children, upset over which cousin got the better gift. But that was just the way kids were; it could be the middle of July, and you could buy two children each a Cornetto, and they’d find some way of complaining that the other’s is somehow superior.
“You’re just a fucking Grinch,” Danny pointed out quite simply. He didn’t sound angry or upset, the way most people did when they felt the need to inform Nicholas of this sudden realisation. He let the box drop down on the sofa, its sudden weight upsetting Nicholas ever so slightly.
“I am not,” Nicholas defended, settling back down into his spot, which had become quite comfortable over recent months.
Danny gave him a disappointed look. “Then why not help me with the lights, then?” he asked hopefully. “Ain’t like the tree’s gonna bit you or nothing.”
Nicholas began to shake his head, but stopped when he saw the complete wash of disappointment across Danny’s face. “It’s a bit unsanitary, isn’t it?”
“How is it any more unsanitary than your damn plant?” Danny demanded, shoving a tangled string of lights into Nicholas’ unsuspecting hands.
Sighing, Nicholas began untangling the mess. “For one, my lily wasn’t chopped down from some farm where animals and insects were able to burrow in,” he pointed out. “How do you know there’s not a badger in there, or something?”
Frowning, Danny grabbed one of the sturdier branches of the tree and shook quite harshly, letting dry needles dust across the floor. “No badger,” he said simply.
“Bugs?” Nicholas asked.
Danny ignored Nicholas’ comment in favour for digging out the brightly coloured glass bulbs from the tattered box marked X-MAS in felt pen. “Come here and help me with this,” he practically demanded.
Nicholas automatically jumped to his feet, gently leaving the tangled lights on the sofa. “What?” he asked helpfully.
“Hold this.” Danny shoved a large glass bulb into his hand. “And this.” He shoved another into Nicholas’ free hand. “This too.” Out of hands, Danny let the third bulb hang off of Nicholas’ finger.
“Why not just put them on the tree?” Nicholas asked.
“Cause I’m countin’ them,” Danny said simply. He hung another bulb from the zip on Nicholas’ jacket, two more from assorted fingers, and one from Nicholas’ shirt collar.
Sighing, Nicholas reached out to place one of the bulbs on the tree, but Danny’s hand stopped him. “Told you I’m counting them,” he said firmly.
“Fine.” Nicholas stood still, letting Danny drape a few more from any spot that would support them, before he finally ran out of the damn things.
“Here,” Danny said, digging through the box again. “Hold this, too.”
“Danny,” Nicholas warned, but to no avail. Danny began wrapping a long strand of tacky gold garland round his neck, eventually snaking it around Nicholas’ chest and arms. “Danny, come on!” Nicholas practically pleaded.
Tucking the end down the front of Nicholas’ collar, Danny took a small step back to admire his decorating skills. “There,” he said. “Don’t you feel all festive, now?”
“No!” Nicholas nearly shouted, remembering exactly why he hated Christmas. “Get this off! It itches.”
“But it’s Christmas,” Danny said, disappointed. “You can’t just sit there sulking all night.”
“Bah humbug,” Nicholas said flatly.
Defeated, Danny slowly removed the garland, and delicately moved the glass bulbs to the tree. Once free, Nicholas scratched madly at the back of his neck before returning to the sofa to work on detangling the lights. “Thank you,” he said stiffly.
It was Danny’s turn to sigh. “Not everything has to be all doom and gloom,” he muttered, his back turned to Nicholas. “You can at least lighten up for Christmas, if nothing else.”
Nicholas focused very intently on the string of lights before giving up and putting them by his side. “What’s that supposed to mean?” he asked.
Danny shrugged. “Figured you wouldn’t want to be alone for Christmas,” he said simply. “I know I wouldn’t.”
Nicholas sighed. “Danny, I don’t care about the holidays, either way,” he said as he got to his feet. “If you want me to come over, you don’t have to make up an excuse. I don’t require prerequisites like Christmas to spend time with people.”
Danny turned round slowly, and after a few moments of studying Nicholas’ face, wrapped him into a tight hug. Nicholas struggled only minimally, having long since learned to just go with these things. But his need to breathe eventually won out, and he managed to twist his neck to clear a breathing passage.
“I have no idea what you just said, but thanks,” Danny said quietly.
“Yeah,” Nicholas managed.
“You don’t have to help me with the tree if you don’t want.”
“Yeah,” Nicholas repeated. He waited in silence for Danny to say something else, but it never happened. “Danny,” he said carefully.
“Yeah, Nick?”
“I can’t breathe.”
“Right.” Danny released him, taking a small step back. “Sorry.”
Nicholas smiled lightly as he smoothed out his clothes. He picked up the tangle of lights, dropping them lightly back into the cardboard box they called home. “I thought you said you got a new film?” he asked, sitting back down.
“Right!” Pleasant mood restored, Danny bounced off to go fetch the plastic bag from his earlier shopping trip. He pulled out a new DVD case, using a kitchen knife to peel off the plastic wrap. Film queued and drinks fetched from the kitchen, Danny settled down onto the sofa with Nicholas, completely not surprised when the inspector fell asleep before the one-hour mark.